finger

Function: verb

Inflected Form(s): fin·gered; fin·ger·ing \-g(ə-)riŋ\

Date: 15th century

transitive verb

1 : to touch or feel with the fingers

2 a : to play (a musical instrument) with the fingers b : to play (as notes or chords) with a specific fingering c : to mark the notes of (a music score) as a guide in playing

3 : to point out as an accusation.

I cannot tell you how misunderstood I was today when I used the word "fingered", as in number 3 above.  Just know that my client was asked about being digitally raped, and I almost peed my pants.  Sometimes my job is so great.

What the Hell? AKA Just Another Rant.

So, I took off a couple of hours early today because my body is rebelling against me, and I am a sicky.  Anywho, I was lying in bed after a nap and QVC was on the TV.  They were selling Birkenstocks.  Now, I love my Birks, and I wear them a lot in the summer with casual clothes.  I have had them resoled several times since 1992, and I seriously love them.

BUT, the women on QVC were selling these sandals and saying things like, "you could really dress these up and wear them out for cocktails or for a dressy dinner", and "these have a rhinestone on the buckle and shiny faux croc leather; that makes them so nice to wear to weddings and social events".

NO! NO! NO!

At no point in time should someone think that a dressy dinner party should involve a hippie-assed sandal.  I see people who look like they got dressed in the dark, they look like they have fashion schizophrenia, and I wonder where they got the idea that they looked good.  Well folks, now I know.  Q-fricking-VC.

Who knew Seabiscuit was gay?

At first I wondered; are these stories about lesbians who like horses, or horses who are lesbians?  In fact, I am still confused.

This is the most terrifying photo I have ever seen.  If I looked up and saw these two coming at me I would crap my pants.  They are creepy, and not even because of the hair and fashion choices.  That knife/gun thing is scary enough;  holy hell though, what is he going to do with that bird?  Pennywise from Stephen King's It could take lessons from these two.

On a completely unrelated note, I think I am being attacked by mutant allergens.   I think they are my kryptonite.  I'm on my way home to my fortress of solitude to recover.

:(

Clicky:  This is effed up.  Like seriously, effed up.

I am also concerned that 14% of people thought this story was "hillarious".  What. The. Hell?

Source: ananova.com

World's cleverest man turns down $1m                            

A Russian said to be the world's cleverest man has turned  down a $1 million prize for solving one of mathematics' toughest  puzzles.

Dr Grigory Perelman, 44, who lives as a recluse in a  cockroach-infested flat in St Petersburg, said through the closed door:  "I have all I want."

The prize, the equivalent of £660,000, was given by the US Clay  Mathematics Institute for solving the Poincare Conjecture, reports the  Daily Mail.

Dr Perelman posted his solution on the internet but failed to turn  up to receive his prestigious Fields Medal from the International  Mathematical Union in Madrid four years ago.

At the time he stated: "I'm not interested in money or fame. I  don't want to be on display like an animal in a zoo.

"I'm not a hero of mathematics. I'm not even that successful, that  is why I don't want to have everybody looking at me."

Neighbour Vera Petrovna said: "I was once in his flat and I was  astounded. He only has a table, a stool and a bed with a dirty mattress  which was left by previous owners - alcoholics who sold the flat to him.

"We are trying to get rid of cockroaches in our block, but they  hide in his flat."

The Poincare Conjecture was more than 100 years old when Perelman  solved it - and could help determine the shape of the universe.

Thanks to Little D for finding this article!  Love ya!

Maybe they are blind...

More incongruity:

In fairness to the dude in the middle, the swastika is a symbol of peace in eastern religions;  however, I have no defense for the other two people as they are obvious jackasses.

Overheard:

Today in juvenile court I overheard the following conversation between two women:

Woman#1  Them Democrats are gonna ruin us all.  Why do they have to mess around with our insurance.
Woman#2  I know,  things were better when Bush was in office...  What's your brother up to now?
Woman#1  Nothing, he's trying for disability.  I sent him to my lawyer.  He did a great job with my case.

Oh, the humanity.   I know Woman#1 and she gets her insurance through TennCare, our Medicaid program.  I swear, if these women were chickens they would vote for Colonel Sanders.

Bass Pro Shop

Memories...

Just so I will always remember, it was the 13th of March, 2010 when I ended up in a smelly cab with my friends and a toothless lesbian named D.  The lesbian didn't have a ride home and I think she had a thing for one of my friends.  I was too drunk to care that we were riding through the night with a strange lady who wanted to get in my pal's panties.  She kept bitching about some cologne she left in her absent friend's car.  We went to Perkins where I ate pancakes and bacon, and my friend broke the news that she was straight and married.  We left Perkins while D was in the restroom; I hope she made it home, and got her cologne back.

I guess I was wrong...

I think I have asked myself this question before, but I always thought the answer was:

"Get it on with Mick Jagger, Sucka!"  How could I have been so wrong?


Pic Source: cheezburger.com

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I wonder if the back-up singers on American Idol ever think, "Why am I singing backup for this no-talent teen twerp?"

Seriously, those back-up singers are amazing and they are supporting some sub-par talent this year.  I have to say, I feel bad that they are stuck oohing and aahing behind a karaoke act I am happy for them because they are employed in an industry that they love.  Is there a number where I can text a vote for them?

I've taken a moment...

Okay, so I got a new email from Reid Rosenthal, from the Bachelorette.  If you missed the first Reid, AKA "Sex on Legs", post you can find it here:    Reid Mail Exchange #1 

I recieved this little missive from the Reidster, and again, I get the strange feeling that he didn't actually read Ms. L's and my email:

From the Desk of... Reid Rosenthal

Take a Moment to Think Hello, Would you be so kind as to take a moment and let us know what else we can do to help you? Please take some time to consider your home buying situation. What do you want in a neighborhood? What type of home would you like to own? How much of a payment do you feel you can afford? The questions will keep coming. Because it is our goal to make sure you are 100% satisfied, we pledge to do what we can to make your home buying process as stress-free as possible! We understand the importance of prompt attention and will be responding to any request you might have as quickly as possible. If you give us some guidelines to follow, we can help. We know the area and the market conditions. Let us put our years of experience to work for you. Call or email us at any time. Let's get started. P.S. Give us a list of your wants and needs, and we will email or fax you some homes to see. Sincerely, Reid Rosenthal & The Rosenthal Group

Okay, Reid, since you asked to help, and you want to make sure I am 100% satisfied I will let you use *all* of your past years experience.  I don't think you really want a list of our wants and needs.  As we said it is a very small town and we are "horned up" after all.   I refuse to feel truly pathetic until the restraining order issues. 

No it isn't...

Okay folks. This container was brought to my office full of keys, apparently for George. I won't go into why it was full of keys. That is irrelevant.  What I will discuss is the name. "Isn't It Butter"

What. The. Hell? Where is the question mark? I can't even say this sentence without it becoming a question.  Go ahead, try to say it as written.  You can't.  Is it sarcasm?  Maybe.  My guess is that this product leaves no question about whether or not it is butter because it probably tastes like turds.  Isn't It Shit.

Would it be classier if it was a horned up toad?

So my friend Ms. L and I decided that the Bachelor was a big flop, and that Reid Rosenthal from the last Bachelorette should have been the Bachelor.  He is so adorable.  We decided to let Reid know what we thought of him.  We sent the following email to him at his website (where I found the tasty picture above):

Hey Reid! We wanted to drop you a line and tell you how wonderful we think you were on theBachelorette show, and we think you are definitely "sex on legs"

Sadie and Ms. L

(ps we are not crazy stalkers just normal horned up women living in a very small town!) haha

Ms. L insisted that "horned up" was a classier way to say "horny".  Ummm,... yeah.  So, I received the following generic email from "Reid":

Hello,

Thank you for visiting our website. We hope that you were able to find everything you needed. Our site is updated daily with new and valuable information. Please visit as often as you like and consider it your personal real estate resource center.

As a convenience for our customers, we offer you instant access to our entire Multiple Listing Service inventory of listings! Now…you can view every property listed for sale, conveniently, in the comfort of your own home. You will have access to the most accurate, up-to-date property information available anywhere. Just go to our Web site.

Again, thank you for your interest. We look forward to speaking with you soon. 

This is the standard reply email everyone gets because I think if Reid Rosenthal actually read our email he probably is not looking forward to speaking with us soon.  :)  We love you Reid, and promise to use your agency if we are ever looking for land in Philly!  

P.S. I will let you all know if a restraining order issues.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

George Harrison was so brilliant.  Last thursday would have been his 67th birthday.  I am glad that though he is not physically with us anymore, his music is.  He was never caught up the drama that came with working with big egos.  He came to the studio to make music, and he did: beautiful, layered, heartfelt music.   His work is so lovely it makes me want to cry, smile and sing along all at the same time.  The next time you are feeling down, put on "My Sweet Lord" or "Here Comes the Sun", and feel the magic.  Happy belated birthday George.

Star Wars Picspam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

None of these are mine. They belong to their respective owners. They are incredibly awesome!